Instantly acquire all the knowledge you need to pass as an expert in the world of surfing. Never again confuse your tails with your rails, your SUPs with your ASPs, your shapers with your sprayers, or localism with a friendly welcome. Bask in the admiration of your fellow enthusiasts as you reminisce joyfully about those moments watching friends ‘going over the falls’, and pronounce confidently about the exact location of the ‘Ampullae of Lorenzini’. (That particular morsel of knowledge could save you from becoming shark food).
DON’T SHOUT when surfing. No one likes a shouter. Surfing is being at one with Nature; it is like riding on God’s soul. The only sound should be that of breaking surf. On the other hand, no one likes a hippy either.
DON’T SAY ‘I’m not kidding, dude. I once rode a Great White most of the way down the Pororoca.’
Author: Craig Jarvis's surfing travels have taken him to many great surf destinations and a great many beds (the hospital kind – don’t get excited). He caught malaria while surfing off the jungles of Java, and his catalogue of mishaps includes three tropical diseases unidentified by the Hospital for Tropical Diseases in London, a broken arm, a broken elbow, four bouts of life-threatening dysentery, a torn groin while surfing in Ireland, a wasting disease contracted in Chile and a serious case of boils that attached themselves to him somewhere in Indonesia.
Among his journalistic endeavours he has been field editor of The Surfer’s Path, editor of Zigzag, and editor-at-large of Wavescape. He currently lives in a house with a sea view over a nice wave near Cape Town. His days consist of walking his three surf hounds on the beach, reading, writing, going surfing and, in the evenings, sitting and watching surfers after pouring himself a stiff Scotch. It’s a tough life, but someone has to live it.